Ladies Dilemma: Where Are Today’s Gentlemen

Last night while I was at the gym I got asked by a few female friends who had been reading my Gentlemen and Lady Tips of the day. I was amazed that they had been reading those daily tips on my facebook or twitter page. I explained to them that some of them were repeated from people I know and others were genuine and unique (mostly the second). They agreed with me that we need more gentlemen in todays society, but wanted to know where had all the gentlemen gone?

The art of being a gentleman has been lost. Gone for most are the days of opening doors for women, seating them first, helping them put their coat on, or greeting them with flowers. We have watered that down to one day a year when we buy the first non embarrassing Hallmark card, a box of chocolates and whatever flower special we find online.

Before some of you get nauseous and decide to stop reading, let me brief you on the premise of this blog so you don’t miss out. I’m not suggesting, that you put your expensive leather jacket over a puddle, or that all men should be gentlemen. I am not putting all blame on men either because ladies have some fault in this too. This is not a feeble attempt to impress ladies. What this is, is a challenge to some to ponder whether we have let some standards slip away from us that shouldn’t have escaped so easily. As a community we need to strive to reevaluate our lives and see what we can improve on, for better quality of our lives and the lives of those around us. For those of you who think I am crazy, I dare you to bring your most well thought out arguments to the table….

Where has the art of being a gentleman gone? It has been lost amidst shattered dreams, broken relationships, cheating, and laziness.. It is a terrible cycle really, both men and women get burned in relationships where they did nothing wrong(except in some cases make a bad choice for a partner), and eventually they feel the effort is no longer worth it, and they lower their standards. For guys, they stop trying to be a gentleman, and just settle for doing whatever comes to mind, they become selfish and ego-centric.. Why does this work? Because women have been burned too, resulting in lower standards, and making guys work less to earn the same reward. As the guy quality goes down, women lower their standards, as women lower their standards, the guy quality goes down more, and before you know it! Things like cheating and lying are common place and even in some places acceptable.

See being a gentleman is not about 15 rules of proper etiquette. It’s a step back from that. It is realizing that women are not a piece of meat, a footstool, or a means to an end. They are human beings with, feelings, emotions, and how you treat them will impact them greatly both now and for the rest of their lives. From that standpoint you can then decide how to apply that in any particular relationship. For some women, this may be opening the door for them, however some women feel offended by such things, so it may be supporting them in other ways, perhaps emotionally, perhaps with encouragement.

Being a gentleman does not apply to just romantic relationships. Helping an old lady across the street, or helping a neighbor carry their groceries in, can be just as gentlemanly as greeting your date with flowers. The bottom line though is our generation has grown selfish, and we have lost the art of putting others first, something that was a cornerstone of being a gentleman back in the day.

Ladies, you are not without blame in this dilemma. Everytime you let a guy below your standards get involved in your life you are making it acceptable for guys to keep acting the way they are. I realize no one wants to be alone, and sometimes it can be very tempting to let your standards slip in order to be happy, but in the end if you get burned is it really worth it? If guys find that they can consistently treat women like crap and get away with it, will they ever change? You deserve respect, and you deserve quality, but if you don’t stand and wait for it? You will never get it. If every woman on the planet stood up one day and decided that they would not give men the time of day until they learned to treat all women with respect, men would puff their chest out and determine themselves to hold out… for about 3 days, then they would give in and do whatever it took. TRUST ME. Stop traveling from broken relationship to broken relationship, one of the biggest keys to getting respect from guys is respecting yourself.

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14 thoughts on “Ladies Dilemma: Where Are Today’s Gentlemen

  1. dingdongitsmrwrong September 9, 2012 / 10:18 pm

    This really is a refreshing read and so true. Men have lost the art of chivalry. Its fallen down the cliff after heartbreak, pain and broken relationships. The fundamental issue I think here is that, women talk, we resolve we talk it out, we learn, we grow, we heal whereas men tend to keep everything stuffed inside and it grows into resentment and lacklustre effort..happy with quick fixes and mediocre relationships soas not to get hurt meanwhile the poor woman wonders why she is being used as a doormat again. It’s hard. We’ve all be burned. Hurt. But we are all human and every new experience should be embraced as just that a new experience with a brand new human being. Leave the baggage, in fact GET RI of the baggage and start anew. easier said than done, but it sure does break the cycle of unhappy relationship after relationship. Loving, kindness, respect and manners cost nothing and mean everything. In fact you have given me an idea for a future post. 🙂

    Please check out my blog for new book Mr Wrong ” a humorous and insightful exploration into why some women continually choose Mr Wrong and how to set out on a path to Mr Right.” There are excerpts from the book, views and perspectives from men and women as well as other women’s stories ad you can even vote for your favourite Mr Wrong Sketch. As a man, I would love to hear your views and pointers and so would so many other women!
    Please see my Calling All Men1 section.

    http://dingdongitsmrwrong.wordpress.com/share-your-stories/calling-all-men/ 🙂

  2. Joe Simmons September 10, 2012 / 1:27 pm

    Thanks .. I did check out your blog. Lots of insight. Mr Wrong has always messed it up for Mr. Right.

    • dingdongitsmrwrong September 10, 2012 / 5:37 pm

      In what way do you reckon Mr Wrong fs it up? I agree and Mrs Wrong can f it up for these guys too.

      • Joe Simmons September 10, 2012 / 5:50 pm

        Mr. Wrong’s ulterior motive strengthens the defense mechanism of the woman. He makes her hard and her senses become overly strong. Later when Mr. Right comes through and tries to break down the barrier she has built for herself, he will eventually get tired of trying to prove himself and he will often get left wanting. In most cases he may never get to experience the real love that he had hoped to share with her. Too many times the lady who has encountered Mr. Wrong far to often can no longer sift through the B.S. that comes with him and skepticism will keep her from ever trusting. No trust in a relationship makes it more likely to fail.

      • dingdongitsmrwrong September 10, 2012 / 6:16 pm

        Yeah you’re right. I’ve certainly been a woman affected by Mr Wrong, been defensive, distrusting and aloof. I’ve also had it the other way round where men have transposed their negative experiences and feelings towards ex onto me ending in resentment on both sides. The best relationships exist once we drop the baggage of life or people not meeting our expectations and embrace every day, every new opportunity and every person as a new one and create a balance of loving kindness with boundaries. One day eh.. 🙂

      • Joe Simmons September 10, 2012 / 6:39 pm

        Good points.. Exactly!

  3. Keith September 10, 2012 / 1:34 pm

    Whenever this topic comes up, so many thoughts come to mind, so I’ll just leave it at this: both sides need to do better.

    Good post.

    • Joe Simmons September 10, 2012 / 4:20 pm

      You are right Keith.. It’s always a work in progress.

  4. SYC September 10, 2012 / 1:39 pm

    Very good article. I’ve known Mr. Simmons for almost 2 decades now and I can say, you’ve come a long way baby… from just smooth talker, to seemingly have utilized what you’ve learned along the way to become a better man. I have a 5 year old son and thank God his father is teaching him to hold the door for his sister and I when we enter a building. You are correct we, as women do have to shoulder some of the blame here. Ladies, first, teach your sons how they should treat a lady and demand nothing less than the best from those you get involved with.

    • Joe Simmons September 10, 2012 / 4:21 pm

      Thanks.. Means a lot coming from you… And get that young man right.

  5. Tia Watlington September 10, 2012 / 2:36 pm

    Great job as always Joe!!!

    • Joe Simmons September 10, 2012 / 4:21 pm

      Thanks fam.. Just doing the big mans work.

  6. TDC September 10, 2012 / 9:27 pm

    Very interesting, Mr. Simmons. I’m sorry if you’re expecting me to call you “Joe” now that about ten years have passed but it probably won’t happen any time soon 🙂 In the middle of this article I did think “well, much of this depends on what one considers to be a gentleman.” My boyfriend is Chilean so many of those typical standards and expectations (opening the door, pulling out my seat, etc.) still stand and at times I appreciate them, but what I most appreciate, in all men, is the emotional gentleman. Like you said, this topic is about recognizing women as more than a piece of meat. Granted, I’m fiestier than many, but I would much prefer an emotional gentleman whose willing to fight something out instead of getting overwhelmed and walking away, more than the more superficial markers, if you will. Again, this is a matter of personal standards. I do, however, wholeheartedly agree with this lowering of standards on the part of many women. At first I noticed this in women 30+ years of age and then started seeing it amongst my recent graduate peers. Given that we can’t change others, I’d like to ask commenters, and of course, you Mr. Simmons, what do you say to these female friends who are perpetuating this acceptance of low standards by dating men who have mostly BS to offer?

    • Joe Simmons September 10, 2012 / 10:41 pm

      That’s interesting my friend. It’s good to hear from you after all these years as well. That’s something that I am not sure a friend or even this article can fix until they do a self evaluation. Sometimes both men and women lose perception on expectations and settle for what they can tolerate. I am a person who is just a little old fashioned. There is a time to play and a time to be serious. There is a time when things should be discussed, whether battling it out or spoken softly from the heart. My best guess is that if you really love them and they value your opinion then let them know that they are settling. Even if it doesn’t change anything you at least put the perception of the outside looking in on them. If they continue to accept it, as a friend all you can do roll with it. Love is a strange thing and none of us will ever fully understand why it makes us accept things and do the things that we do.

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