Last night while I was at the gym I got asked by a few female friends who had been reading my Gentlemen and Lady Tips of the day. I was amazed that they had been reading those daily tips on my facebook or twitter page. I explained to them that some of them were repeated from people I know and others were genuine and unique (mostly the second). They agreed with me that we need more gentlemen in todays society, but wanted to know where had all the gentlemen gone?
The art of being a gentleman has been lost. Gone for most are the days of opening doors for women, seating them first, helping them put their coat on, or greeting them with flowers. We have watered that down to one day a year when we buy the first non embarrassing Hallmark card, a box of chocolates and whatever flower special we find online.
Before some of you get nauseous and decide to stop reading, let me brief you on the premise of this blog so you don’t miss out. I’m not suggesting, that you put your expensive leather jacket over a puddle, or that all men should be gentlemen. I am not putting all blame on men either because ladies have some fault in this too. This is not a feeble attempt to impress ladies. What this is, is a challenge to some to ponder whether we have let some standards slip away from us that shouldn’t have escaped so easily. As a community we need to strive to reevaluate our lives and see what we can improve on, for better quality of our lives and the lives of those around us. For those of you who think I am crazy, I dare you to bring your most well thought out arguments to the table….
Where has the art of being a gentleman gone? It has been lost amidst shattered dreams, broken relationships, cheating, and laziness.. It is a terrible cycle really, both men and women get burned in relationships where they did nothing wrong(except in some cases make a bad choice for a partner), and eventually they feel the effort is no longer worth it, and they lower their standards. For guys, they stop trying to be a gentleman, and just settle for doing whatever comes to mind, they become selfish and ego-centric.. Why does this work? Because women have been burned too, resulting in lower standards, and making guys work less to earn the same reward. As the guy quality goes down, women lower their standards, as women lower their standards, the guy quality goes down more, and before you know it! Things like cheating and lying are common place and even in some places acceptable.
See being a gentleman is not about 15 rules of proper etiquette. It’s a step back from that. It is realizing that women are not a piece of meat, a footstool, or a means to an end. They are human beings with, feelings, emotions, and how you treat them will impact them greatly both now and for the rest of their lives. From that standpoint you can then decide how to apply that in any particular relationship. For some women, this may be opening the door for them, however some women feel offended by such things, so it may be supporting them in other ways, perhaps emotionally, perhaps with encouragement.
Being a gentleman does not apply to just romantic relationships. Helping an old lady across the street, or helping a neighbor carry their groceries in, can be just as gentlemanly as greeting your date with flowers. The bottom line though is our generation has grown selfish, and we have lost the art of putting others first, something that was a cornerstone of being a gentleman back in the day.
Ladies, you are not without blame in this dilemma. Everytime you let a guy below your standards get involved in your life you are making it acceptable for guys to keep acting the way they are. I realize no one wants to be alone, and sometimes it can be very tempting to let your standards slip in order to be happy, but in the end if you get burned is it really worth it? If guys find that they can consistently treat women like crap and get away with it, will they ever change? You deserve respect, and you deserve quality, but if you don’t stand and wait for it? You will never get it. If every woman on the planet stood up one day and decided that they would not give men the time of day until they learned to treat all women with respect, men would puff their chest out and determine themselves to hold out… for about 3 days, then they would give in and do whatever it took. TRUST ME. Stop traveling from broken relationship to broken relationship, one of the biggest keys to getting respect from guys is respecting yourself.