It’s been a while since I have posted. I know I have been leaving people hanging with a lot of questions so I am going to do better the next few weeks. One question that has been in my inbox quite a bit is the situation of guys with girl friends who aren’t their girlfriend.
I’ve been lucky to be the recipient of good times, great drinks, and even greater love of some amazing female friends. Some I have lost contact with as I’ve run through the years but as long as I remember, I’ve had a female friend that was only a phone call away. They’ve all had different personalities, appearances, characteristics, and always the varying sexualities, but they all have been there for me.
This is not unusual. I’m certain you all have friends of the opposite sex and I’m equally certain your significant other has friends of the opposite sex as well. Whether men and women can be friends has been a subject well studied and debated. I can assure you that it won’t be settled today. For the sake of argument, we’ll assume that men and women can be friends. So what do you do, ladies, when you meet a guy and begin dating him only to find out that his best friend is a girl? I’m sure jealousy is an emotion that may pass your mind, but if you act too possessive, you’ll quickly lose him.
The first thing you need to do is assess the situation. Go in with a plan. Does this best friend pose a threat to your relationship? More often than not, the potential threat you may perceive is imagined or is not as vital as you think.
As far as I can tell, the thing with my understanding of women is that when it comes down to adding sex to the equation women are hard to understand. It seems like the sex always makes one or both of us temporarily insane. There was once a time that I believed I understood the female mind and psyche, but excuse me… I was definitely wrong. What I do know, however, is that the female species has much to offer and friendship is one of those precious gems. Often, that potential friendship is only snapped up by guys like me who are looking for a low maintenance friend that listens as much as they speak; they need a friend that is kind, funny, and protective. The kind of friend that is perfect girlfriend material, but for one tiny insignificant detail that turns out to be the biggest deal breaker of them all in the end. There has been ZERO chemistry. That “X” factor, the certain something that pulls you in and drives you mad.
Many of my female friends I’ve imagined naked, but for the most part, I leave it at that. We are friends first, but I am a man so I have to inquire on the physical.
However this is where I’ve been told time and again that I’ve gone wrong in the past. Maybe it’s just me, but chemistry is huge. When a girl walks in the room, I want my jaw to drop onto the floor. I want to, within the first .050 seconds of contact, imagine doing dirty things with her without our societal mandated clothing on. That’s what I want and crave. Not surprisingly, that’s what most females want too. In turn, if your man has not already engaged in some down and dirty action with his BGF (best girl friend), it’s highly likely they won’t in the future.
If you haven’t already, you will need to meet your man’s BGF. It’s the best way to definitively evaluate their relationship and he will expect you to meet her at some point. After all – up until this point, she’s been the most important guy in his life. Remember to keep that jealousy in check. Naturally he will be accustomed to hugging her and she will have a great rapport with him. Try to befriend her yourself.
You’ll never reach that same level of, for lack of a better word, intimacy with her that he has, but all the same… keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? Once you’ve befriended her, she’ll recognize that you’re comfortable with the BGF and will respect you all the more for it. If the BGF makes it a point to continuously be a jerk to you, your man will recognize this and you’ll look all the better for your efforts.
Once you’ve met the BGF and have established that you’re superior in every way, (as we all know you are), it’s time to let go of any jealousy or worry you have about your man’s relationship with the BGF and focus on the relationship that really matters – the one between the two of you. Instead of concentrating on whether the BGF has his eye on your man or not, put your attention on listening to him. Be there for him when he needs you. There’s a reason the BGF is in her life – there’s a void that was not being filled before and she’s filling it. While you’ll never be able to take her place, I’m sure you could at least take on some of his burden.