Black Women, The Gym, And Frustrations Of A Black Man: The Whole Story From Both Sides

The other day I got an anonymous message in the inbox. When I opened the message, my jaw dropped. This guy was irate and went in on the sisters. At first I started to dismiss it, but then he started making points that I felt needed to be addressed. The problem is, I don’t have any answers for him. It should be easy for me to do, but I can’t find the words to answer the question when I am not the one in the situation.

Here is the brunt of what was stated (summarized of course):

Bull City,

I am a single ?? year old black man. Let me start by saying that I love black women. There aren’t any creatures on earth who move me like black women do. However I am noticing a trend. Black women who I know and went to school with aren’t taking care of themselves. Most of them are out of shape or morbidly obese.

I am not the fittest person in the world but I do make it to the gym to try and keep myself healthy and in pretty good shape. There are a few black women in the gym I frequent and they are on top of it. They look great. Even the women who were a little heavy look awesome and something about them sweating it out everyday makes them more and more attractive.

I even have a sister that I have been with for quite a while. She see’s me going to the gym and I always request that she comes with me and the first thing she says is no… I just got my hair done… or it’s no… I’m going watch television. I even purchased work out equipment for the crib and she still doesn’t use it. I want her to be healthy and feel good about herself but she just doesn’t want it for herself.

The question I have is why don’t more black women go to the gym? I see so many white, Asian, and even Hispanic women who frequent the gym. Not that many sisters though. Help a brother out and shed some light on the situation.

First of all let me say that I am happy that you turned to me to write this post, however it is hard for me to put my finger on the answer to the question. You may have accidentally stumbled on something that needs to be addressed but maybe in a different manner.

African-American women have the highest obesity rate of any group of Americans. Four out of five black women have a body mass index above 25 percent, the threshold for being overweight or obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

It may even seem to you that your lady friend you speak of views the gym as KRYPTONITE and she wants to stay as far away from it as possible. The thing is, being in shape and staying in shape is hard work. It’s a lifestyle change or commitment that is really hard to achieve.

To shed more light on the subject I shared your message with a few females that I know who work out. One in particular broke it down best and you should read her response.



Let me start by saying kudos to you for working out and trying to stay healthy. One issue I run into many times is black men who do not work out. I know that they DO, because I see it every day, however the guys I tend to meet and date don’t seem to be into as much. This is a problem. A man who does not workout has no chance in ever having something serious with me. It is a requirement. Maybe because both of my jobs revolve around health and fitness, I rather have a man who is on the same page with me and my lifestyle.

With that being said, I do understand where you are coming from. However, I must disagree with you, that the trend is black women are not working out. I believe quite the opposite is currently trending. I see more and more women of color working out and running especially, than ever before. I am a 33year old woman of color and in 2003 I decided to do my college senior project on the issue of black women versus white women who work out. There wasn’t much comparison back then. Much of what I found made sense, but it wasn’t excused in my book. Hair and voluptuous curves seemed to be a reason that many black women related to as a “barrier” (excuse is what I call it) to exercising. They didn’t want to mess up the hair they take pride in keeping done on the regular. Nor did they want to lose the womanly thickness that they embrace far more than their white counterparts do.

Today, with the influx of natural hairstyles, more research/education about the benefits of physical activity and a first lady who exemplifies a fit black woman, black women are putting those beautiful bodies to work! With Facebook pages like “Black women DO workout” and national organizations like “Black Girls Run” (I suggest you Google them both), it’s hard to deny a transition over the last 10 years. I am constantly surrounded by women of color who enjoy working out and are proud of being fit. I know many black women who have their own fitness studios, personal train and instruct fitness classes.


There’s no longer this huge focus on just how we look, but it’s about how we feel and what we are doing for ourselves to live healthier longer lives. Through social media and blogs, there is an overload of support for black women to step up to the challenge and live better. It is inspiring to me. I even see it when I run out in my communities. More and more women of all shapes, colors and sizes, walking, running, and getting their children and families involved too. I ran my first half marathon back in April and I was brought to tears by the sea of black women embarking on a 13.1 mile journey to the finish line right next to me. I know a dozen of black women who did that race. I myself went with a group of black women. We committed, trained for 3 months, finished and now we are excited about our next fitness goals.

I’m not sure which gyms you are looking in, and maybe the black women you know may not exercise, but I assure we are out here and we are going HARD! At the end of the day a person has to want to make better choices for themselves, regardless of sex, age or race. Making the commitment and having the self-discipline is an individual thing. If you have a problem with dating a female who doesn’t exercise I would suggest thinking long and thorough about where you want your relationship to go. It’s nice of you to want to support her in being more active but if she is not ready, she will not budge.

You cannot change another human being. It has to be something she wants for herself, first and foremost. And please know that being sedentary has way more consequences than just weight and clothing size going up. Risk factors go up as well, for unwanted chronic diseases that plague African-American communities in staggering numbers. Those diseases lead to complications, medications and cost big bucks to manage. The stress that comes along with that, and negative outcomes in other areas of her life…WELL that’s a whole other chapter in the book of life.

Again, I invite you to do some research. In your corner of the world you may see a smaller picture. But generally speaking, being a STRONG black woman these days is more than just being a backbone for the family, a very capable single mother, or fighting to compete in corporate America. It’s about lifting weights other than what’s on their shoulder and running miles, but not away from responsibility. It’s about putting themselves first so they can handle their business accordingly. You may be surprised at the success stories and testimonies that black women are sharing about their process to a better self. You may even be motivated to challenge yourself when you see these women, and what they are really out here doing! Black women DO workout. Support the movement! ~ Jannah B.


23 thoughts on “Black Women, The Gym, And Frustrations Of A Black Man: The Whole Story From Both Sides

  1. Kenny May 23, 2013 / 9:28 am

    Great stuff. I like how you incorporated one of your friends into it so she could give some analysis on Black women and the gym. Personally, I see plenty of sisters who are taking pride in going to the gym and getting and keeping their bodies and minds on point. It’s a beautiful thing.

  2. Joe Simmons May 23, 2013 / 9:38 am

    Thanks for checking it out Kenny. It’s great when you see it in the gym. i know I made the commitment this year to the gym and I see so many wonderful black women and many other races as well. It’s just beautiful to see.

  3. LaGayla May 23, 2013 / 10:32 am

    good article, but I don’t think his issue was addressed closely enough. It doesnt answer the WHY he’s looking for. The hair excuse is so passe. lol. I’ll tell you this, I look at my mother who is at her HEAVIEST IN LIFE as a size 12, so she’s not that big. but there is not always a push to work out. she tells me she wants to sometimes, but here are some of the reasons I think people don’t get moving CONSISTENTLY.

    When I think of my mother, who is in her late forties, and 30 and 20 years ago she was cheerleading, playing basketball, and running track – setting records, even – and then, just upa and playing with children and coaching sports and things like that, and now she tells me she wants to work out, that she’s going to, and we get motivated and go to the store and buy cute workout gear…and then we (I guess I should say she) don’t develop the HABIT of working out everyday or every other day.

    Ok, let me get to my points:

    1. I think part of it is forgetting how good it feels to move everyday. Yes, it’s painful at first (and sometimes at second and third lol) but if people don’t know that they will feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally they arent really all that compelled to move. Plus, the first couple of painful times after a long period (read: years of “rest”) is intimidating.

    2. In my family we have always eaten a LOT of green salad, nearly every day growing up (and I still do), but in her early 40s my mother’s doctor told her she needs to be more mindful of her cholesterol. So this is another reason that I think people arent compelled to exercise – modern medicine.
    Now, of course, I’m not saying don’t take meds, but when my mother was told to get her cholesterol down and was offered some pills, her first defense was well, if I can work on this through diet and exercise, i’ll just go that route, but after a year of fixing diet but not exercising and her doctor not seeing a positive enough change, she decided it would be a smart idea to take the pills since she wasnt exercising…but guess what? if you exercise, you could maybe kick the lipitor! lol.

    3. not having a partner. I know for me, having a partner or class to go to helps me push. we don’t even talk a whole lot while we work but it just pushes you harder

    4. no plan. no goal. which could actually be two points. but i’ll fuse them. a workout plan is helpful. and you don’t have to write it yourself. as a matter of fact, i think you shouldn’t, at least not early on, because you won’t “push the wimp out of you” like my trainer likes to say. Alone, I feel like you will work yourself just til you’re tired and then feel like, well, I broke a sweat and stop yourself juuuuust thiiis shooort. lol
    Also, my goal is to compete in a fitness or CF competition in a year. It doesnt even have to be on a grand scale just so I can have a way to display the hard work and transformation I have made.

    5. People stop to early. If you dont give yourself time to see and feel the transformation you may not keep going. Also, we don’t prioritize. For me, i HAVE to schedule my exercise time everyday. and when I do, I look forward to it. That makes a difference. I PROMISE there is ALWAYS something else you could be doing. But at some point THIS has to be the thing you HAVE TO DO.

    6. Six points are enough. so this is my last. I think people don’t work out because sometimes it’s hard to face ourselves. we can view this from the body, but I’ll take it from a spiritual perspective because although it is physical (some days a little vanity and wanting my booty to be nice is the ONLY reason I work lol), it is mental and spiritual, too. When I hit the gy, that is my recess. That’s my ME time, my relaxing time. Lifting that weight makes me challenge myself. and as i challenge my body, I challenge my habits, my thoughts, my idiosyncrasies. Working out is my meditation time. I’m not the best at relaxing. (ok, i suck at it), but this is my time for that. It’s a time when I give back to myself and I know I don’t do enough of that.

    I wouldnt want to try to turn the whole world into gym rats. I think some people havent found the exercise habit that works for them. (oops thats 7, lucky 7), but doing so will make a difference, too. Whether, it’s running, swimming, dancing, the gym, walking on the nature trail, CrossFit, Spin, karate, kickboxing, Insanity!!

    I guess, I understand the dilemma because I went from being active every day of my life to graduating college and 5 years later noticing a change in the way I felt and even looked (oh and don’t believe the people who say you don’t need to work out because you are “fine” whether you are small or large or anything in between). Being fit will boost your confidence. I’ve always had a positive self-image, but we all need a boost from time to time. And this, absolutely comes from within! Finishing that rep when you thought you couldnt will push you for the next day…and in other areas of your life.

    Ok, I’m off of my soapbox. Thanks for the question. And the perspective. oh, yeh, and Black women and men and children do work out!! But more of us will when we realize our good health can help us have a healthy life. It is just as valuable as education or family, a job, or whatever else you think is important.

  4. LaGayla May 23, 2013 / 10:41 am

    oh, and like the blogger said a big reason why a lot of this is an issue with Black women, is because we want to celebrate our curves (well, they do, I’m Black and I don’t have much to boast of haha), but too often people confuse fat with curves… =|

  5. Joe Simmons May 23, 2013 / 10:50 am

    LaGayla You bring up some good points. Thanks for checking in. I am sure others will find your insight useful. Thank you

  6. LaGayla May 23, 2013 / 10:51 am

    point 4. i forgot to mention download some apps with a workout plan. or just google something like…30 day challenge. people put them together month by month 🙂

  7. LaGayla May 23, 2013 / 10:52 am

    no problem. it made me think about a lot of stuff… why i work out…and why i havent started my own blog with my long-winded self. lol

  8. Kenya the Great May 23, 2013 / 11:55 am

    This is a great read Mojo Joe Joe! I’d like to say that there are plenty of black women who work out to try and improve or maintain their health. I have seen so many black women in the recent years losing weight, running marathons, leading fitness challenges, etc. Shoot, just look on Youtube, these sistas are NOT playing! It is a great inspiration and motivating factor for me, who is working hard daily to part with these monster thighs I’m carrying around. That’s a whole ‘notha struggle. I got off track at the beginning of the year due to my move and other things, but I’m proud to say I am BACK and have been consistent. What works for me is having a schedule. I know if I don’t have a schedule, it is easier for me to lose focus.

    I do however want people to understand that just because a woman is not in the gym, doesn’t mean she isn’t being active or working out. Many women (and men) have lifestyles that simply don’t give them much time to physically go to a gym. I for one, am a mother so most of my physical activity is done at home, or places that are convenient for me to take my 5 year old without spending any money on childcare (which I already spend enough on already, whole ‘notha issue). To ensure that I’m always moving, I do videos, pushups, stadium runs, sprints at the park, or jogs outside. The good thing about that is setting a great example for my #1 partner in crime. My son LOVES exercise and I’ve found that is one way that we spend time together. At times, he will come to me and ask “Mom is it time to work out?” I just did bleacher runs at the stadium last week, and he ran/walked a whole mile.

    When I get discouraged (during those times that I don’t see fast results), I think about my son, about all of the women who make it happen, and my overall health. Those are the things that keep me going. Although I like seeing the numbers on the scale and tape measure move, it is about the bigger picture. I say all of that to say this; black women DO work out, they DO care about their health. Just because they aren’t in the gym, doesn’t mean they aren’t putting in work somewhere else.

    • Joe Simmons May 23, 2013 / 1:19 pm

      Good stuff Ms. Kenya…
      You are far too hard on those great looking thighs that you have. LOL..

      Thanks for checking in. Keep grinding… You are modeling for your son and someone else who may be watching from afar. Thanks for checking in.

  9. Steven Smith May 23, 2013 / 12:37 pm

    GREAT STUFF! to hear both sides of an issue that is taboo to bring up, if one of the significant others is not ready to “change”. The hair and “thickness” excuses need to stop and be re-evaluated as REAL health concerns to maintaining a healthy diet and life style. We have to worry about the next generation of black girls and boys coming up, learning and appreciating the full beauty of being SPIRITUALLY, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY STRONG.

    • Joe Simmons May 23, 2013 / 1:20 pm

      No doubt man.. You bring up good points. REAL is REAL.. For the sanctity of our people we have to find a way to get right and stay right.
      Thanks for checking in man.

  10. CityBoy December 11, 2013 / 10:09 pm

    Based on my observation, black women do not work out. I do believe in some areas, they do …. especially in some parts of Atlanta and New York City. But other places like where I live in Dallas …. absolutely not.

    I’ve been a member of several gyms here and the number of black women I see at the gym are always strangely small and disappointing considering their population. For every black woman at the gym there’s 5 black men. And 95% of the ones who do come consistently, stay/are fat nor take it seriously …. they’ll do a zumba class and go home and eat God knows what.

    I’m so sick and tired of seeing mostly fat homely black women everywhere I go when there are so many fit, well shaped attractive black men out here. SOME OF US HAVE TO GO TO WHITE or ASIAN WOMEN B/C BLK WOMEN DON’T KEEP UP WITH THEIR APPEARANCE IN HIGH NUMBERS! So if you get mad when you see a successful blk man with a different race women or man for that matter, don’t forget to get mad at the fact that there’s a severe shortage of appearance conscious black women to even began the dating process with.

    -Let’s do better blk women!

  11. mike September 9, 2015 / 4:06 pm

    the feedback was encouraging but still, I never see in-shape black women. I’m damn near 60 with 6 grandchildren but have the body of someone in their early 40’s. I never see a woman, (even 10 years) younger than me, in anywhere near like shape. I hear the rhetoric but see the results.

  12. Carolina Sander January 16, 2016 / 6:06 am

    No more frustrations ever!! Try this fake boobs perfect for your sexy body! It will make you look seductive and beautiful! From Fakeababy.

  13. Ruby Woo March 18, 2016 / 8:43 pm

    I travel all over the country, and hate to say this? But, no, the ratio disparity of black women in the gym versus white and asian is abysmal. I go to gyms, do reviews on them, and work out. When i first walk into any gym – on any given day, the first thing i encounter – if there is a black man in there is- their “dismissive glance.”

    They discount me automatically because they assume that under that sweatshirt is about #200+ lbs. of blubber.

    When i take that sweat shirt off, they realize immediately, they’ve made a mistake and try to become friendly. This is not only observed with black men? It’s also observed by white, asian, mexican, and any other color that does not bother to even look our way because they, too, assume that what’s underneath that sweat shirt is going to come rooooollling out.

    I traveled to NYC. Before i did so, i was so excited. I told my SO, “Babe, i am going to see the most fittest, beautiful black women in the WORLD there, because there so many of them! The competition will be HIGH in those gyms.”

    I was so disappointed. The handful of black women that WERE in the gyms were throwing attitude all over the place – and for what? Okay, they had beautiful natural hair, make up, great nails, and you couldn’t beat them on their attire. But, as for their bodies? They were out of overweight. The White, Puerto Rican, and Asian women in there had better bodies.

    This was also observed even in subways, sidewalks, the streets. The ONLY place i saw gorgeous, UBER-fit black women was at an Alvin Ailey Ballet recital, and they were on stage.

    There was only one black woman in the gym (NYSC), who had tone, small breasts, a very small waist? But her butt and her hips could have made two other people! She even had the nerve to have this light skinned Puerto Rican boyfriend, guarding her. He HAD to! She was wearing tights to show off her extremely large rump. In a way? It was attractive. It’s okay, if you’re trying to attract the opposite sex? No problem. But when the tights come off? okay..

    I worked out in NM? There’s a power lifting gym that i visited, and there was only one black woman in that place. Was she fit? Nope. Was she serious? Nope. Was she fat? Yep. When i worked out there? You would have thought i came off of a space ship. When i had to make a trip to the lockeroom? That same black woman came running up behind me as if to do harm. I did a side profile to let her know i saw her? She immediately sat her big as** down on a bench – and started playing with her IPhone. WTF?

    White, Asian, Mexican men AND women were staring. We’re not talking about a quick glance. We’re talking being followed. People gathering on the upper deck of the gym looking dead at me, men standing in the way, staring, females standing with their hands on their hips, flipping their hair with that bulging eyed, thin-lipped, “white-hate” stare. People coming over trying to touch me and have a conversation as i rested. There would be 4-5 empty benches in that gym at any given time? Guess where the white men would conveniently sit to (watch/stare) work out? Some of them giving a slick “Hey, how ya doing?” in a low voice to avoid open rejection when they were ignored.

    This is not a post saying that i am the “sh**t”.. This post is basically saying that we black women need to get our act together. I am not talking about the ladies here that claim they are fit. This is an observation of someone who’s been in the sports-modeling/bodybuilding industry for over a decade, who is a world-traveler. Not someone who’s been in a few states. We’re talking EVERY WHERE… statistics are showing that black women are in the lead for obesity..

    I gave up trying to encourage black women to get in the gym. They’ll show up for about a week or two? Then you can’t get them on their cell, they stop answering their texts, and won’t pick up the phone at home. This is very telling.. and proves the stats aren’t that far off the mark, ladies.

    • Joe Simmons April 10, 2016 / 7:53 am

      This is insightful. Hopefully the cycle ends and more women can grasp the phenomenon. I commend you for 1. Your commitment to fitness and 2. For your observations. Don’t give up hope. Keep asking them to join. If you can get 1 person to change you may see a chain starting to form. In my city the black women do go hard. They may not all have perfect bodies but they are under construction. Some of them compete while others are just trying to snatch it back. But when people come here they say what you said. Apparently my gym is a unicorn. Thanks for your comments.

  14. Kendall F. Person May 24, 2016 / 12:42 pm

    Excellent topic. Thank you for sharing and for provoking the dialogue on and thought about healthy living.

  15. Patricia December 10, 2016 / 8:04 pm

    Wow! I actually googled this question because I was getting tired and lonely in my journey for better health as a black woman. No doubt that black women workout. I know because I’m one of them but LOTS of black women workout? Where it’s actually noticable? Definitely not here. I’m in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. One of the most multicultural places on the planet but when I go to the gym I’m probably 1of 5 I notice on a regular basis AND they come and do a fluff workout whereas I’m their to work. So even with the few I don’t connect because they wanna socialize; I want to get ‘er done! I’ve had enough trauma and drama in my life that I tell people I truly have the excuses to sit on my butt, cry ‘why me?’ and eat another piece of fried chicken or the rest of the cake but I don’t. I’ve had the hair and nails and still managed to workout. Yes, it may have cost more to upkeep but I still worked out. There a lot of black women that confuse what healthy and fit should look like. They spend their time trying to look like Nikki M or Black China vs Alysia Montano (check out pic of her racing when pregnant!) or Flo Jo in my day. Many magazines I look to have very few black women role models and when they do they all look like Beyoncé aka the hair and lighter toned skin etc. The black version of Barbie I’d like to say. Not like me, dark chocolate complexion with a Cesar cut…and no I’m not a lesbian just past the phase of being only my hair, nails and curves…which another commenter said best…there’s a difference between that and fat. I’ve run everything from 5km to Ultramarathon (that’s greater then 50 miles) more times than I can count. My trips are always fitness oriented in some way (went to England and climbed 10 mountains all over 3000 ft!) and just can’t imagine having a partner who doesn’t live the same way I do to some extent…at least not anymore 😉 However most black women I encounter don’t see these as examples to jump into the game. They either watch with that glare from the sidelines or say something to me that definitely states ‘what? You think you’re better than me?’ But there’s no ‘I’ll show you’ after, they just walk away back to socializing. Plus I’m there to get ‘er done. That’s not something they are into. As for the dudes….can you say intimidated?! Many say they want us to be one thing but they are looking for another. And the media on all fronts doesn’t help with this! BET is great at repeatedly showing vids with big booty twerking women or angry black women shows but a health and fitness program for us? Haven’t seen it. Yes, Ebony magazine does articles on nutrition and workouts but where’s OUR whole magazine dedicated to us?! Latino women have one…and in every country too! I’ve seen and read them. All in all we all play a part in black women not being healthy and fit but there are too few of us trying to motivate the pack on all levels. This is where I get tired and lonely.

    • femmemuscle December 10, 2016 / 8:55 pm

      Girl.. there’s an old saying: You can bring a fool to college – but you can’t make them think.

      There are some people that “have it in them” to work out. Period. They don’t need a partner, motivator – nothing. They know what is necessary and they just do it. They are the ones that are most serious in the gym. They hardly speak to others, have the best bodies, and they get in/get out. People envy them because others want to “socialize” just as you have stated versus doing what they’re supposed to be doing.

      Some of the clubs i’ve seen down here in Mexico/New Mexico, the ladies aren’t serious at all. The chubby hispanic and white females come into the gym wearing thigh high boots, fish net stockings, Daisy Duke shorts, thick make up sequins, low cut tops, implants, and one them walked in here last week wearing sleigh bells.. yes.. she was overweight, wearing a crop top and tights and sleigh bells around her hips so you could hear her coming 1/2 down the damn block. I thought i was in Hell’s Strip Club located at the North Pole at one point. Either that or Lucha Underground.

      As for encouraging and helping others? I’m done.. the last person i helped “get her shape together” was a black woman. This was decades ago, before i finally gave up helping people – period.

      She came into the gym weighing at #300lbs. Through a lot of motivation, phone calls and encouragement, as well as her personal trainer. She went down to #150. She still had a lot around the hips and butt? But she had a small waist and an hourglass shape.

      I later found out that this chick was a “serial” dieter, “serial weight loss” manipulator. There was a green eyed black guy that came to the gym. I found out that he was her EX. Long story short, i asked her why i hadn’t seen her in the gym in the last few weeks?

      Home girl turned around and looked at me with this stone face and said: “I got what i wanted, i don’t need to work out anymore.” Sure enough? She went back to her usual weight. Apparently, they had an on-again-off-again relationship. This had been going on for about 5 or 6 years before i met her.

      The relationship was “on” when she lost the weight. But then it was “off” when she gained it back.

      She was like a lot of ladies, black, white, Puerto Rican, i met over the years.. They work out and look good for the “sole purpose” of getting that man. Once, they’ve snagged him and they become involved in a “solid” relationship, she stops “keeping herself up”.. or the worst – when she feels she’s losing him, instead of her getting back in the gym, she gets pregnant. I don’t call the offspring of today “children” anymore.. I call them “Entrapment Casualties”.. The chick gets even bigger over time because she “can’t seem to lose that baby-fat”.. and of course the old adage “he should love me no matter how i look.”

      Women aren’t stupid. They see everyone attracted to the “Alpha Male” and she puts herself “in the hunt” to get his attention. From the hair extensions, Brazilian waxing, nails, waist cinchers, to the gym membership, she’ll spend X amount of dollars to snare that guy.

      All i can say is. Whatever ladies did to snag that narcissistic, superficial, shallow, yet good-looking alpha male – they better keep it up.. Because there’s a lot of competition out there that is way ahead of the game. White ladies and Asians..

      • Joe Simmons December 10, 2016 / 9:05 pm

        Your story is a blog post on its own. You hear these stories but your rarely hear that the situation has been addressed. Wow.

    • Joe Simmons December 10, 2016 / 9:01 pm

      You bring some very valid points to the table. We need more people like you nasty ambassadors for the movement. There are a few but we need more. Thanks for the comment and hopefully we see a turn of events in the near future.

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