30 For 30 2013: Day 7 – Avoiding Crazy


Everyone has situations that they try to avoid. In fact everyone has had that “chick” or that “dude” that you wish you had never encountered but the ride was epic in its own way. Sure it was a rough ride and its probably going to take you a couple of vodka and tonics or my personal favorite a blueberry Hennessey smash to get you on your feet again, especially when your friends start to go in on you about the crazy chicks that you have dated.

When I say crazy let me explain. Some of you have already heard this story but there are many of you who haven’t. When I was in school a whole lot of years ago (yeah I know, I know) I had this chick that I used to date. She seemed like she was cool. If I asked for something, she got it. If I needed her to do something for me, she did it. I never saw a bad side of her. She was a little clingy but reliable.

After about a half-year of dating, we decided to go our own separate ways. Well at least I did. We never lived together like some folks but we did spend a lot of time together. When the situation ended for me, it didn’t end for her. She refused to let go. It was awkward because she had the ability to appear everywhere I was.

I could be leaving practice with my boys and walking to the cafeteria and this chick would just pop up out of nowhere like the predator. I mean from behind bushes, trees, or just in plain sight. She would just magically appear. I was at the movies one night and looked up and she was two rows over. When I got to the car on my way out there would be a note. She would be like “Joe, can I speak with you for a minute?” I would basically ignore her, and I would think to myself that she gets the point. This went on for a couple of months then I realized that it was never going to stop so I got a little concerned.

One night the fellas and I were going to get something to eat. We headed out of the dorm to get in my care and we couldn’t find it. Granted I have been known to have a few drinks too many when I was in school, but never while I was driving and never to the point where I couldn’t remember where my car was. However this situation was different. I wasn’t drinking the night before so I was concerned about the whereabouts of my car. I called the campus police and they notified the Durham Police Department. We looked for my car all day, then all of a sudden we come back to the student parking lot and my car is parked in a different spot and the lights are on.

Everyone is tripping out about this time. Later on that night I get a call from her saying that she borrowed my car to run a few errands. I’m like how the heck did you get my keys, she was like well that one day a few months ago when you let me drive your car, I took the liberty of making myself a key.

This was bothersome because it didn’t just happen one or two times. It started happening a few days a week. I got resourceful though and started leaving the tank almost empty so if she took it, it had to come back with more gas in it. I figured I might as well set this up to my advantage. Then one day I got fed up.

Knowing that she was doing it for attention, I tried to ignore it. However it was starting to get irritating. I then got creative and devised a plan to get my key back. I decided to act like things are good between us. I go to her house and make a play on her. She gets excited, and goes straight to the shower preparing to get sexy.

I then went into detective mode. I am on a mad hunt for my key. I look in the top drawer and low and behold I find a key. I look in the next drawer and there lies another car key. Now I am looking confused. How many keys did this young lady make? So finally I look in her jewelry box and this chick had 12 copies of my car key made. I poured them all in my night bag and ran the hell out of her house. I then jumped in my car and I thought that it was over.

Boy was I wrong. Two days later I had this sexy young lady in my room. Of course you weren’t supposed to have girls in your room unless they signed in but we don’t always follow the rules so it is what it is. My ex catches wind that this young lady is in my room and goes to get security to escort her to my room.

She told them she needed to get into my room because she left her asthma pump in the room over the weekend and she wasn’t feeling good, and security fell for it. Luckily the young lady had already left the room but when she got outside to her car she got a big surprise. My ex had let the air out of all 4 tires on her car. Not to mention, she had the nerve to key her name on the car. I guess that’s her signature move. (She obviously hadn’t seen Law and Order or CSI). You are probably thinking now: “he is making this junk up, this didn’t happen.” If you went to school with me, you know this is true.

That wasn’t the end though. A whole year passed and I was sure everything had passed. I’m preparing for life after college and getting ready for our big end of year sports banquet. I was feeling pretty good and that night I received 5 awards, all of which I left in my car for the night because I had plans of going home to visit my mom and drop off the trophies over the weekend.

I go to my car the next morning and they are all gone. I knew in my mind that I left them in the trunk. I was thinking how did someone steal them without breaking the trunk or windows? I looked around in the trunk and there was a note. It read: “There was one more car key under the bed. If you would have stayed a little longer you would have gotten it and some a** too. I have your trophies; they are all in my new apartment. The address is on the back, if you want them, and I am sure you do, you have to come and spend the night with me one last time. If you do this, you can walk out with them and your car key, no questions asked.” Those trophies have still yet to be recovered. So if you are reading this post and it is you, can you please send me my stuff?

As you can see I don’t do controversy. However sometimes avoidance is the best way to resolve issues.


2 thoughts on “30 For 30 2013: Day 7 – Avoiding Crazy

  1. resiliency84 November 5, 2013 / 10:40 am

    Yoooooooo is this real life? Like real life, real life? This is a crazy story. Did you get the law involved? This chick made multiple copies of your car keys. And used them. That’s a different kind of crazy.

    • Joe Simmons November 5, 2013 / 11:07 am

      It was crazy. It got to the point that I had to get new locks put on the car.

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