Change, Rationale, and Integrity

pain

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Sometimes in every mans life he makes a decision or two that can change his perspective. We put so many things on the line for selfish reasons because in our mind we are destined to do things that rationally don’t make a lot of sense. I have fallen victim to my own greed and disdain several times in my life. It has cost me money, time, and relationships all of which I valued, but didn’t really consider the consequences of my actions. We sometimes develop a sense of invincibility because we are blinded for selfish reasons.

I’ve hurt and stained many people through interactions in my time. I have told you the stories of me going all the way back to my high school years all the way through today. Let me say that every man has to go through trials and tribulations. I’ve definitely gone through mine. I’ve decided that it’s time to be a better man. What does that mean? It’s time for me to walk the path that I’m destined to walk. That may mean taking my time before taking big steps. I’m tired of being the cause of pain for people that I care about and I am also tired of being in pain after I realize the selfishness of my ways.

Pain and anguish will humble you quickly. My biggest problem is learning to let go. I honestly have a character trait that needs to be addressed. I have a problem letting things go. Good or bad for me, I like to hold on to things too long. Sometimes holding on is not good. I believe that we have to fight for things and exhaust every possible measure before letting it go. I don’t know how or why but its who I am. We all do it but for some reason I do it more than most. Today is the last day of this. I’m going to learn to let go. I’m going to be the typical Gemini and let all of the bad things that surround me dissolve into the abyss.

I have chapters in my life that need closure and until I close them, there can be no moving forward. I have chapters in my life that need editing and until I edit them, there can be no moving forward. I have some chapters in my life that need rewriting. That’s going to take a lot of work but I must find a way to get it done. My past has taught me two things that I will always remember. 1. Don’t lie to yourself. You may know what you want but if the person you love and you don’t share the same dream, there’s a nightmare waiting to happen. 2. Lies will undo everything good you’ve ever done.

I’ve gotten many chances in life and I’ve blown a lot of them due to being selfish and condescending. I’ve been petty and thrown shade. Granted a lot of my actions were provoked, 99.9% of them I should have known better. It’s time for me to reboot. I know now what must be done. I shall get it done. I miss being who I am. I want the best for everyone. I shall endure my trials a tribulations because I am a descendant of great beings. Today marks the new me. I’m claiming it and hopefully my actions reflect it.

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