The Questions: “What if Men and Women had Contracts Like Professional Ballplayers? Do you think it would work?”
I spend a lot of time writing about sports and relationships, so it isn’t unusual for me to equate matters of the heart with sports analogies. One of my favorites to explain to people, and now to you, is the art of:
This is going to be told from a male perspective, but it can apply to anyone because the premise is the same.
When a team has the #1 overall pick in the NFL draft, that team will spend millions of dollars and many hours scouting to make sure their pick will be the one that changes the fortunes of their franchise. They attend the combine, the pro days, and watch as much game film as they can.
At some point the team locks in on the player they want and they are the only team who can negotiate a contract with that player before the draft. If they get the contract signed everyone involved is happy. If they don’t seal the deal, they face a lengthy hold out that can set the tone for a rocky relationship.
The way men/women “scout” the opposite sex isn’t that much different than the NFL draft. We spend plenty of time trying to decide the best player(s) for our “team.”
The interesting thing about men and women is that we are scouting for many different things.
One guy might have a team of “thots”. A young lady might have a team just consisting of a “head guy”. But no matter who you’re drafting you need to get a contract signed first.
A contract is an exchange of promises by which the law will provide a remedy in the event of a breach.
Remove the “law” aspect and focus on the “exchange of promises” and I will explain to you why contracts will make your life much easier in regards to the opposite sex.
When you are dealing with the opposite sex, most times it’s a guessing game:
“Does he/she like me?”
“If I take her to a nice restaurant will she have sex with me?”
“If I accept this ticket to visit him does that mean I have to give it up?”
The “contract” eliminates the guessing game. Most people think contracts are strictly about sex, which isn’t always the case. It’s more about getting a clearer understanding before you make a commitment/decision.
If you are a man the “contract” is an absolute necessity in your life. Many men have “hoped” that something positive will happen, only to end up disappointed.
Ladies you can get the contracts to work for you too. If a man offers you anything, the first question that should come out of your mouth is:
“What are your expectations by offering this?”
Men are so dumb and scary; the guy will be shocked by the question and say something to this effect:
“I am just offering because I like you and I don’t have any expectations.”
Ladies you just got him locked into a contract so feel free to except those Jimmy Choo shoes, guilt free. Fellas, unless you are a baller and just throw money at your “draft picks” you have to be very careful how you word the terms of your contract.
That is why you have to scout your “players” very well and be aware if what I call “noho” phrases. If you are negotiating a contract and a woman says:
“We will just see what happens.”
She might as well be saying:
“I am going to see how much money I get out of him first, and then I might give it up.”
It is very important for the fellas to be tactful when asking for a contract to be signed. This is something I can’t teach you because unfortunately, you have to be very smooth.
Also be aware of which “females” are unsignable. Some women are just smarter than we are and we can never ever lock her into a contract, but because I know the game, I can help you with this.
If you really like a young lady, scout out her last 5-10 contracts with men. Women love to talk about their exes so it shouldn’t be that hard. Then, create a profile of the type of men she likes to enter contracts with and compare that info to you.
If she only dates men over 6 feet with salaries 100k plus and you are 5’4” and work at the mall then you have your answer.
Remember the “contract” will save both men and women a lot of wasted time and clarify what each wants out of there interaction with the other before it blows up in your face.
Nothing is worse than thinking someone is feeling your personality when they really are just trying to play “bed gammon” or “simp” you out for your dollars.
These contracts may be the most important contracts simply because when you have never met someone in person you need to be crystal clear what your expectations are.
Because a lot of things can be lost in the translation of your online love affair.
My first suggestion is, leave the “social media” out of your repertoire; take it offline (actually speak to the person and hear their voice).
If you are out of town pimpin’, please get a contract signed before you start booking flights. Don’t be like my boy who met a young lady on Twitter and assumed because he was coming to visit her that she was going to give up the goods.
He wined and dined her and got NADA out of the trip.
When travel is involved you have permission to be as direct as possible, and women if you honestly don’t know what you want to do, be honest with the Fellas. Don’t play games.
Trust me, if they guy really likes you he will still come, but if he just had one thing in mind then it is better that you know now, rather than later.
Men, if you honestly know that the only reason you are flying out/in to meet a woman is to play “bed gammon”, it is better to be straight up, so you can make an informed decision about your travel plans. I would suggest if you truly have feelings for her that you go but just try your best to verify that she has feelings for you as well.
In the end “The Contract” is to promote honesty and open dialogue so no one gets there feelings hurt. If you need an agent, remember I am always available.