Owning It and Sharing The Blame

blame

I like to think of myself as a person of valor. When things get tough, I usually try to face them head on. The only time I really run, is when it comes to relationship struggles and it’s not that I’m afraid, I just know me well enough to know that sometimes I just need to walk away before I do or say something that I can’t take back. But what does that all mean?

When confronted or even cornered about something that can cause some type of chaos in a relationship, I usually go into defense mode. Most days, I’m open. I’m eager and willing to accept criticism. There is something about a woman scorned that turns me away. My most successful relationships have been when she lets me walk away and allows me to come back a little humbled and forthcoming. When the conflict escalates, it never ends well. 

I’m good on most things but vindictive behavior doesn’t sit well with me. Threatening me with something that you might have or might do turns me all the way off. It often makes me question your agenda. What is it that you actually wanted? Men and women have two different perceptions of what is right and wrong but they also know when they’ve overstepped their boundaries and when they should reel it in.

I’ll never let a person take all of the blame for behavior that led to the conflict, but I will also never take it all myself, because every action has a reaction that can escalate to a level that is unforgiving if you let it. I dated this girl once who would never accept fault for anything. They just deflected it and said, “well if you wouldn’t have …. then I wouldn’t have….” and that is a problem.

Communication is the key to making things work. Owning your actions and making yourself better from them is the key. It’s easier said than done though and quite frankly it’s cost me more good women than I care to discuss. But at some point we get it right and find the one that will allow you to be who you are and will give you the room to make mistakes but make them right without vindicating you in the process.

That one is the one you keep. Forever and Ever….

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