The Space Debate

personal-space-in-relationships

I was recently posed with this question from someone that I work out with and he wanted me to elaborate and I thought it would be a great blog post.

“I love my lady with all my heart but she feels the need to be up under me 24/7. It’s cool some days but not every day. I am glad she wants to spend time with me but not all day every day. I don’t want her to get tired of me but if this keeps up I am definitely going to get tired of her. How can I explain this situation to her without making it look like I am being selfish or inconsiderate?”

There is nothing like spending quality time with your loved ones. But, compelling them to stick to you 24 hours a day is no way to stay in a relationship. Holding on to your relationship selfishly and not letting your partner be independent could cause your relationship to turn sour. Many people fail to realize that individuals differ in their approach to life. We should learn to accept each other’s differences and give our partners their desired space in the relationship. Giving space is important to maintain a healthy relationship.

I remember a relationship that I had a few years ago. The chick was everything a man could ever want. She only had one flaw; she wanted me all the time. Not necessarily just being physical, although that has never been a problem, but she just wanted me hanging around all day every day. If I wasn’t at her place, she wanted to know where I was or she would be on the phone hitting me up. When I tried to explain it to her that sometimes people need space it didn’t register to her that I just wanted to go out for a few hours with the fellas, it registered “Oh you are just going out to get up with some whores aren’t you?” Needless to say she pushed me right out the door.

What people don’t realize is that relationships can be compared to sand. When you hold and tightly in your palm, it starts slipping off but if you hold it loosely, it remains. In a relationship too, you need to learn to hold it loosely and not impose things on your better half. In fact, giving each other enough space is the key for a successful relationship. If you take a look at lasting and successful relationships, you would realize that these couple don’t always spend time sticking to each other. They do spend quality time together, but at same time know how important it is to let each other do things the way they like.

Always sticking to each other can really make the relationship boring. Your spouse or partner should be able to miss you. Remember the old adage, ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’. Missing each other makes you want each other more and love remains forever. I am sure we all have had that moment when we have gone away for few days and when you come back home, he/she can’t wait for you to come in the door good and clothes start flying all over the place and then well YOU KNOW!

There has to be space for openness that can allow your partner to his or her own stuff without feeling any guilt. Other than loving your mate, you also need to love yourself and thus you need to take off time to pamper yourself. It is good to maintain your identity and be the person you have always been. This way there is no frustration in the relationship and it works smoothly without hurting anyone’s emotions, as the needs of both the partners are taken care of. No relationship can work better without giving it the required space. It is the biggest secret of every healthy relationship.

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