Most of my life focusing on the present moment has been something I struggle with. As hard as I try, and as much as I know it’s so much better to live in the now, I struggle with finding the present moment among my constantly racing thoughts. Whether it’s the already-happened past creeping back into my mind or the who-knows-if-it-will-happen future taking hold of my thoughts, more often than not I find myself living somewhere other than the present moment. And, of course, that’s not what I want to be doing.
Apparently looking backward has always been a fault of mine. In a lot of ways it was the primary reason I started this site. I wanted to, and still want to, stop focusing on the past. I write about things that happened to me a lot because it allows me to reflect on things that I need to work on about myself. Whether it’s a past relationship, a family issue from the past, or a mistake I made years ago, thoughts of days gone by often seem to find their way into my mind, clearly hindering my ability to live fully in the present moment.
This week I decided that there is no looking back. All or nothing. Sometimes you have to just cut your loses and move forward. I’ve had too many episodes of DO THIS OR I, STOP DOING THIS OR I, and YOU’RE SO …. that I’m just at a crossroads and maybe I need to remove the common denominators to the things that litter my spirit.
It’s apparent that I have two personalities. I’m a Gemini so I’ll accept that. There’s one side of me that is fun, loving, and inspirational. It has also been brought to my attention that there’s a side to me that is disrespectful, inconsiderate, and hurtful. Sometimes the overlapping of these traits are the reason for so much clutter in my life. So along with removing those denominators, I need to work on the numerator (myself) too. Regardless I feel compelled to stop looking back, and keep looking forward. You can’t reach your goals in reverse.