A Struggle That I Am Okay With

How many of you are near the age of thirty and you still aren’t sure if you are doing what you want to do in life. I pride myself on being a self explorer and every venture in my life leads me to another decision on whether I am doing the things in life that I want to be doing.

I entered the working world pretty young as growing up in a single parent home usually requires. I have held down many jobs and I can clearly say that some people in life work harder for their money than you could ever imagine.

Every day you ask yourself, how much more I want to do before I settle on something that I can do for the rest of my life. When I try to quantify this with reasoning I usually end up asking myself am I happy with what I do.

My first job was as a landscape engineer (a fancy way of saying grass sewer) for a house building company when I was twelve years old. All I did was walk behind a tractor and drop seeds. To me it was easy money but for most it was too hot to do and they didn’t want anything to do with it. I was making ten dollars an hour so it was never to hot for me to do. It was either that or work in the tobacco fields with family and friends for four dollars an hour less. That was a no brainer to me.

I knew at an early age that manual labor wasn’t for me. The summer before my freshman year of college I worked in a factory with my sister. She had been with the company for nearly fifteen years and got me a pretty good job with the company. The people there loved me. They loved their job and it was one big happy place. Honestly the only real down side of the place was me working there. I knew I couldn’t go manual labor my whole life so it just wasn’t going to work for me. When I went to college, I vowed never to return to that type of job again. So far I have been able to hold up my end of that deal.

After college, professional sports came a calling and I gave it a shot. I had many opportunities but I couldn’t stick anywhere I went due to injury or guys were just more experienced and often times just better than me. I later returned to my college town to find a gig in my field and to my surprise there wasn’t a lot of action. I even took a job at a retail store in the mall because I refused to go back home and work in that factory.

Less than half a year passed and I decided to re enroll in school and get a higher degree. When that happened I also accepted a job as an assistant college football coach at my alma mater. I worked hard at my craft often way into the night as I was reenergized to be around the sport that I loved with such passion. Although I was doing the work I wanted to do I was even more happy to be getting an advanced degree in education. It might seem simple but teaching was something that I had dreamed I would be doing one day.

After seven years as a coach I grew tired of the hours and decided that I would put that education degree to the test. I found a job teaching middle school children and it seemed like that was the future for me. The more I taught them, the more I realized that I needed a stronger challenge so after two years I moved on to the high school level and began working on a PhD in History.

I have been doing the teaching thing for a while now.. Lot’s of years in the game. However now I feel like there is another path that I should be traveling. I do part time work as a television host. I also do sports commentary and write for several well organized sports blogs. Not that either of those should be a full time job, but I feel like I have a lot to offer and that I am spinning my wheels in my current profession.

I feel like I have done all I can do in the field of education. However the job situation that is out there isn’t conducive to just walking away from a steady job and hop on board something that isn’t guaranteed.

Day after day I go to a job that used to complete me but it has a few missing pieces that I need to feel adequate. The kids are the brightest part of my day as they are sponges who absorb so much and often times they surprise me with their thirst for knowledge. However completing my feelings seems to be the factor that needs to be addressed. Maybe that is why I do the things I do on the side. Maybe they are there to make me feel better about my situation as a whole.

I thank God for all that I have been given and embrace this struggle within myself that I am personally okay with. If I should spend the rest of my life as an educator I am okay with that. Its rewarding and I am giving all of myself to the future. In fact maybe it is a Struggle That I Am Okay With.


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