It’s been a while since I have done the question thing but this one needed addressing. On my old blog I used to take two questions a week and give advice. Well it appears that inbox is full of questions again so I will answer one from time to time when I have time. I consider myself a man of the people so hey you gotta givem what they want from time to time.
The question served:
“I’ve been together with my boyfriend for a year and four months. We’ve talked about commitment and serious stuff already and I’m so much in love with him. The thing is that lately I‘ve been feeling like he just takes me for granted. See right now I’m really studying hard to graduate from law school which keeps me pretty busy during the week. I’m always calling my boyfriend, he never calls me! I’m always saying sweet things to him and being supportive with him about his job issues. I even go to his house and spend the night once or twice a week, and whenever he needs my help I stop doing whatever I’m doing and run to be with him. So am going about this all wrong?”
Frankly it’s obvious that you and he have different expectations about the frequency of communication. If he thinks it’s reasonable to call only when he has important news to share, and you think it’s reasonable to call at least daily, you’re going to annoy each other endlessly. Unless you guys get your expectations on the same page you two are going to be in constant battle.
You say that you have talked about commitment and other serious stuff. Well what is his take on it? Does it sound like he’s all in and ready to take the big steps in the future or does he just nod and entertain the conversation?
Also, it sounds like you’re defining your relationship in terms of what you do for him and what he gets out of the relationship. It sounds awfully one-sided to me. In some ways you sound a bit selfish. Sometimes when you have a thought ask yourself is this all about me?Its never a bad idea to think that way when things are moving forward in a relationship. It’s okay to ask yourself what are you getting out of the situation to evaluate why it may not be as important to him?
Men aren’t as complex as women think. In fact we are pretty simple beings. Sometimes men need to be consoled and often times we need a pathway to open up communication. With that said it’s okay for you to open up dialogue and ask him how he feels from time to time. Ask him how his day or days have gone from time to time as well. He could very well just be an introvert. Maybe he isn’t an I need to have constant conversation person. Does he talk on the phone with his friends a lot when he is around you. If the answer is no, then it may not be about you but more about what he doesn’t really do.
A lot of stress is never good for anyones career. You are trying to make a serious effort at becoming a lawyer. If I were you I would probably want to put things on the back burner until you pass the bar exam—or maybe it might make sense for you to take a week or two off from the relationship and meditate on what you miss about it when it’s not there.
If you insist about not taking any time off you should let him know you can’t be taken for granted. You can’t be soft about this and you have to speak with conviction and passion when espressing these thoughts. Strike a little fear and see if he straightens out. This will empower you as well as wake him up a little unless he doesn’t give a sh!t. You can love him with all you have, but it doesn’t mean he’s good for you.
If he’s draining you and doesn’t seem to care, then he does not loving you back even if he says he does. It could just be that he’s incapable of the love you want from a man. If this is the case (if he doesn’t recognize that how he’s making you feel) then you need to get rid of him because he’s just bringing you down.