There are very few things in life that get to me. I’m not a robot but I have a keen ability to ignore things that would bother most. However nothing can cut a man like hearing something hurtful and personal from someone that you care about. I was watching an episode of Ballers (HBO) where Annabel confronts Ricky and tells him that he’s just like his dad. The look on his face reminded me of the times where people that I care about the most hit me with some truthful things that were personal and cut deep.
Hearing those things from someone that you care about or even love may be the hardest punch a man can take. In fact those words cut so deep that they wound the soul. The soul unlike the body can’t be repaired easily. No amount of self-confidence or amount of comforting can bring you out of this type of pain immediately.
I love the show Ballers. I sat through the entire season a few days ago and it was a constant reminder of how people you care about the most, let you down and then somehow they pick you back up if its real. The episode when Charles decides to speak his mind with Julie and she hits him with a personal onslaught and then teases him about his weight. Her comments made him make a rash decision to run to the fun house and kick it with the fellas when that was totally out of his character. Realizing that she had wounded him and he would never swallow his pride without a push, she found her way to the fun house and came to claim her man. She didn’t make it easy for him after reclaiming him, but she did let him know she was sorry in her own way and supported his decisions and eventually his path back to the league.
I think about all of the people that I have hurt and who have hurt me and I understand now why I am so quick to run. I run because I have a temper and it’s my outlet from saying or doing things that are hurtful because I know what it feels like to be hurt. Unfortunately for me, I usually compound the situation by saying what I really feel in an email or a text message that is plain nasty and irresponsible. By the time that I figure it out or try to apologize the damage has been done.
All of this occurs because of the wounds of words and the pain of circumstance lead us down a path that we wouldn’t normally travel by ourselves. When I look at all of the pain that I have caused I realize that it was provoked by a text, a tweet, or an email that cut deep with words that were hurtful.
As I strive to be a better me, understanding that these words have power over me is essential. I’ve got to learn to wade through them like a flamingo in troubled water. Just remember it’s not always how you say it, because what you say can cut deep as well.